| |
|
|
|
|
|
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RRRy-QlQyUw
|
|
|
|
|
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kwIC4E2JMIc
|
|
Bearack Obearma
|
|
The photo above captures a disturbing trend that is beginning to affect US wildlife.
Animals that were formerly self-sufficient are now showing signs of belonging to the Democrat Party... as they have apparently learned to just sit and wait for the government to step in and provide for their care and sustenance.
|
| |
|
| |
|
|
| |
|
The New Presidential symbol... It is half black, half white, and everything it does STINKS!
|
| |
|
| |
|
| |
|
| |
|
| |
|
|
| |
|
Circle Flies
|
| |
|
A cowboy from Texas attended a social function where Barack Obama was trying to gather support for his Health Plan. As Obama was rambling, he kept swatting at some flies that were buzzing around his head. The cowboy asked, "Y'all havin' some problem with them circle flies?"
|
| |
|
Obama stopped talking and said, "Well yes, but I've never heard of circle flies."
|
| |
|
"Well, sir," the cowboy replied, "Circle flies hang around ranches. They're called circle flies because they're almost always found circling around the back end of a horse."
|
| |
|
"Oh," Obama replied as he went back to rambling. But, a moment later he stopped and bluntly asked, "Are you calling me a horse's ass?"
|
| |
|
"No, sir," the cowboy replied, "I have too much respect for the citizens of this country to call their president a horse's ass."
|
| |
|
"That's a good thing," Obama responded and began rambling on once more.
|
| |
|
After a long pause, the cowboy, in his best Texas drawl said, "Kinda hard to fool them flies, though."
|
| |
|
| |
|
| |
|
General McChrystal
|
| |
|
President Obama was having a conversation with General McChrystal about Afghanistan.
|
| |
|
Obama could sense resistance from the General, and told him, "I bet when I die, you'll piss on my grave."
|
| |
|
To which General McChrystal answered, "No sir, I have decided that, when I get out of the Army, I'll never stand in another line!
|
| |
|
| |
|
| |
|
| |
|
Old Farmer
|
| |
|
Air Force One crashed in the middle of rural America. Panic stricken, the local sheriff mobilized and descended on the farm in force. When they got there, the aircraft was in bad shape, smoldering in a tree line that bordered a farm. The sheriff and his men entered the smoking mess but could find no remains of anyone, including the President.
|
| |
|
They spotted a lone farmer plowing a field not too far away as if nothing at all happened. They hurried over to the man's tractor.
|
| |
|
"Hank," the sheriff yelled, panting and out of breath. "Did you see this terrible accident happen?"
|
| |
|
"Yep. Sure did." the farmer mumbled unconcernedly, cutting off the tractor's engine.
|
| |
|
"That is the airplane of the President of the United States, Were there any survivors?"
|
| |
|
"Nope. They's all kilt straight out," the farmer answered. "I done buried them all myself. Took me most of the morning."
|
| |
|
"How could you be sure President Obama was dead?" the sheriff asked.
|
| |
|
"Well sheriff," the farmer grumbled, restarting his tractor. "He kept a-saying he wasn't... But you know how that sumbitch lies."
|
| |
|
| |
|
| |
|
| |
|
|
| |
|
Fallujah
|
| |
|
A U.S. Marine squad was marching north of Fallujah when they came upon an Iraqi terrorist who was badly injured and unconscious. On the opposite side of the road was an American Marine in a similar but less serious state. The Marine was conscious and alert and as first aid was given to both men, the squad leader asked the injured Marine what had happened.
|
| |
|
The Marine reported, "I was heavily armed and moving north along the highway here, and coming south was a heavily armed insurgent. We saw each other and both took cover in the ditches along the road. I yelled to him that Saddam Hussein was a miserable, lowlife scum bag who got what he deserved. And he yelled back that Barack Obama is a lying, worthless, left wing Commie who isn't even an American."
|
| |
|
"There we were, in the middle of the road, shaking hands, when a truck hit us."
|
| |
|
| |
|
| |
|
| |
|
Pelosium
|
| |
|
A major research institution has just announced the discovery of the densest element yet known to science. The new element has been named Pelosium.
|
| |
|
Pelosium: Pelosium has one neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 224 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 311. These particles are held together by dark particles called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.
|
| |
|
The symbol of Pelosium is PU. Pelosium's mass actually increases over time, as morons randomly interact with various elements in the atmosphere and become assistant deputy neutrons within the Pelosium molecule, leading to the formation of isodopes. This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientist to believe that Pelosium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as Critical Morass.
|
| |
|
When catalyzed with money, Pelosium activates CNNadnausium, an element that radiates orders of magnitude more energy, albeit as incoherent noise, since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons as Pelosium.
|
| |
|
| |
|
| |
|
| |
|
Montana Bar
|
| |
|
A man is sitting in a Montana bar, when Barack Obama comes on TV.
|
| |
|
The man looks at the TV and says, "Obama is a horse's ass."
|
| |
|
Out of nowhere, a local jumps up and punches him in the face, knocking the guy off his bar stool, then stomps out.
|
| |
|
He gets back up, rubbing his cheek and orders another beer. Shortly after, Michelle Obama appears on the TV.
|
| |
|
He looks at the TV and says, "Michelle is a horse's ass too!"
|
| |
|
Another local punches him in the other side of his face, knocking him off his bar stool again.
|
| |
|
He gets back up and looks at the bartender, "I take it this is Obama country?"
|
| |
|
"Nope." replies the bartender. "Horse country."
|
| |
|
| |
|
| |
|
| |
|
Little Leroy was playing in the shed one day, knocked over a can of paint and painted himself white. When he showed his mom she gave him a good whuppin' and told him to wait on the porch for his dad.
|
| |
|
When his dad got home he gave him a good whuppin' too. After crying and jumping up and down for awhile, little Leroy said... "Damn, I only been white for a few hours and already I hate you black people!"
|
| |
|
| |
|
| |
|
| |
|
One Liners...
|
| |
It takes a village in Kenya to raise an idiot.
It is a little known fact that lying causes purple lips.
Barack Obama is an old Kenyan name for Jimmy Carter.
Blessed are the young, for they shall inherit Obama's national debt.
|
| |
|
| |
|
| |
|
| |
|
Doctors & Unemployed
|
| |
|
Israeli doctor... Medicine in my country is so advanced, that we can take a kidney out of one man, put it in another man, and have him looking for work in 6 weeks!
|
| |
|
German doctor... That is nothing,we can take a lung out of one person, put it in another and have him looking for work in four weeks!
|
| |
|
Russian doctor... In my country, medicine is so advanced, that we can take half a heart out of one person, put it in another, and have them both looking for work in two weeks!
|
| |
|
Kentucky doctor... You guys are way behind. We recently took a man with no brains out of Illinois and put him in The White House and within six months, half the country is looking for work!
|
| |
|
| |
|
| |
|
| |
|
Hot Air
|
| |
|
A woman in a hot-air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered her altitude and spotted a man in a boat below. She shouted to him, "Can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."
|
| |
|
The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, "You're in a hot air balloon, approximately 30 feet above a ground elevation of 2,346 feet above sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude."
|
| |
|
She rolled her eyes and said, "You must be a conservative."
|
| |
|
"I am," replied the man. "How did you know?"
|
| |
|
"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct. But I have no idea what to do with your information, and I'm still lost and frankly, you've not been much help to me."
|
| |
|
The man smiled and responded, "You must be an Obama liberal."
|
| |
|
"I am," replied the balloonist. "How did you know?"
|
| |
|
"Well," said the man, "you don't know where you are or where you are going. You've risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. You're in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but somehow, now it's my fault."
|
| |
|
| |
|
| |
|
| |
|
Old Marine has the solution
|
| |
|
Barack Obama, Katie Couric, Brian Williams and a tough old US Marine Sergeant were captured by terrorists in Iraq. The leader of the terrorists told them he'd grant each of them one last request before they were beheaded and dragged through the streets.
|
| |
|
Barack Obama, hoping to curry favor said, "I will make a great speech apologizing for America and praising Allah." The leader allowed this, then gave him a good beating and prepared him for beheading.
|
| |
|
Katie Couric, thinking she was sexy said, "You and all your men can have their way with me." The disgusted leader gave her a good beating and prepared her for beheading.
|
| |
|
Brian Williams, hoping to escape his fate said, "I will announce to the World on Al-Jazeera that you are the greatest Muslim leader in the World. The leader allowed this, gave him a beating and prepared him for beheading.
|
| |
|
"And now, Mr. Marine, what is your final wish?" said the leader.
|
| |
|
"Kick me in the butt," said the Marine.
|
| |
|
"Will you mock us in your last hour?" asked the leader.
|
| |
|
"No, I'm NOT kidding. I want you to kick me in the butt." insisted the Marine.
|
| |
|
So the leader gave him a swift kick in the butt.
|
| |
|
The Marine went sprawling, rolling into a guard knocking him down, he pulled the guard's 9mm pistol and shot the leader dead. In the resulting confusion, he emptied the pistol killing six more terrorists, took an AK-47 from one of them, killed 13 more and then beat the rest of them to death with the rifle butt.
|
| |
|
As the Marine was untying Obama, Couric and Williams, they asked him, "Why didn't you just kill them all in the first place? Why did you ask him to kick you in the behind?"
|
| |
|
"What?" replied the Marine, "And have you three report that I was the aggressor?"
|
| |
|
| |
|
| |
|
| |
|
Red Neck
|
| |
|
A red-neck, who hated Democrats, was driving his pick-up down a road when he spotted Harry Reid walking on the side. He went to the shoulder and "whump," nailed Reid. A little further on he saw Nancy Pelosi, sped up, and with a chuckle, "whump,"" he ran her down too.
|
| |
|
Next, he spotted a priest walking along the road so he stopped to give him a ride.
|
| |
|
Continuing down the road he spotted Barack Obama walking along. Automatically, he veered his truck towards Obama, but, then he remembered his passenger. He swerved back to the center, but he heard a "whump" and in the rear view mirror he spotted Obama tumbling head-over-teakettle.
|
| |
|
He turned to the priest and said, "Father, I'm sure I didn't hit Mr. Obama."
|
| |
|
The priest replied, "That's OK, my son, I got him with the door."
|
| |
|
| |
|
| |
|
| |
|
At a biker tattoo contest, the winning biker had tattoos of Harry Reid, Barack Obama and Nancy Pelosi on his butt. Reid was on the left cheek, Pelosi was on the right cheek and Obama was in the middle.
|
| |
|
| |
|
Barack Obama gave a big speech on racism, and there was one heckler in the audience, kept screaming crazy stuff the whole time. Turns out it was his pastor.
|
| |
|
|
|
| |
|
| |
|
Retirement
|
| |
|
Now that I am retired my kids sometimes ask what I do to make my days interesting.
|
| |
|
Well, sometimes I go shopping. The other day I went downtown and into a shop. I was only there for a few minutes, and when I came out, there was a cop writing a parking ticket. I said to him, "Come on, man, how about giving a retired person a break?" He ignored me and continued writing the ticket.
|
| |
|
So then I called him a "doughnut eating Gestapo." When he finished the ticket, he glared at me and started another, As he put it on the windshield with the first, I called him a "Nazi." The more I abused him the more tickets he wrote.
|
| |
|
Personally, I didn't care, I came downtown on the bus, and the car that he was putting the tickets on had an Obama "Hope and Change" bumper sticker.
|
| |
|
Have a little fun each day, It's important for your health.
|
| |
|
| |
|
| |
|
| |
|
|
| |
|
Is Barak Obama a "Post Turtle?"
|
| |
|
One day an old cowboy was out ridin' fence and he saw a turtle balanced on top of a fence post. When he got back to the bunkhouse he told the other fellas that he saw a "post turtle".
|
| |
|
They all asked, "What the hell is a 'post Turtle'?"
|
| |
|
He said, it was a turtle settin' on top of a post! He then went on to explain that "you know it didn't get up there by itself, it doesn't belong there, it doesn't know what to do while it's up there and you just wonder what kind of dang fool put it up there to begin with!"
|
| |
|
| |
|
| |
|
|
| |
|
Walking Eagle
|
| |
|
Barack Obama gave a lecture to the American Indian Nation in upstate New York.
|
| |
|
He spoke for almost an hour, he was most enthusiastic and spoke eloquently about his ideas for helping his "red sisters and brothers."
|
| |
|
At the conclusion of his speech, the Tribes presented Obama with a plaque inscribed with his new Indian name, "Walking Eagle." Obama proudly departed in his motorcade to the next fundraiser, waving to the crowds.
|
| |
|
A news reporter later asked the group of chiefs how they came to select the name "Walking Eagle."
|
| |
|
They explained that "Walking Eagle" is the name given to a bird so full of crap it can no longer fly.
|
| |
|
| |
|
| |
|
Welfare
|
| |
|
A Democrat and a Republican are walking through a street Downtown. The Republican sees a homeless person, gives him $20 from his wallet, his business card and tells him to see him for a job.
|
| |
|
The Democrat impressed by this generosity sees another homeless person, gives him directions to the welfare office, takes $20 out of the Republican's wallet, gives the homeless person $5 and keeps $15 in administration costs.
|
| |
|
| |
|
CLICK for full size
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|